Yooooo. SO IT TURNS OUT that he's been hanging with a bunch of girls. Like any chance he has gotten, he has just hungout with these girls. Which is funny honestly (not like I'm negating the situation funny but actually comedic) because he never really goes out and meets anybody so he's just falling back on the girls that I have previously been insecure about. It really fucking sucks, fam.
Turns out that this guy who I've been saying is "a great guy, just not the guy for me" is absolutely not. He is selfish, and dark, and insecure, and petty, and honestly super mean.
He has made me feel like shit for a year and he is for sure still working on it. And no matter how much I would love to be ready to have this be the conduit to moving on - I'm for sure not there yet. I am still in the seething, hating, and angry stage. Which is okay.
I think that's really important. Let yourself be this mad - feel this emotion. You DO NOT have to be fine yet. "You'll be okay!" "Hang in there" "You're sooo much better than him". Yes, bitch. I know. But I am pissed and I intend to be pissed.
My friends and family have been so fucking awesome and I listen to them when they tell me these things, but I put them on the back-burner just for right now.
Anyway, this garbage human has broken my heart one too many times, but as hard as he tried for a year he's not going to break my confidence and make me forget who I am.
He can live his life pretending like he's some lothario, but I think we all know the reality of that.
I think that Elle King and Dierks Bentley said it best, it really is different for girls. I'm going to sit here and live in the sadness and anger for a little bit longer, but thank fucking god I'll be able to actually heal.
I just wish I had my girls here, one in particular, but I will be okay. Look at me, telling myself that. God, I'm so fucking smart.
P.S. If you're actually reading this. Thank you. That's super awesome.