What even is flirting?

I'm finding that a breakup is one of the most integral parts of the human condition. You're faced with a broken heart but at the same time there's the drive of trying to be a better person than you were before. To learn from your past mistakes, and the lessons that came from the relationship, but I also think that it's important for me to not bullshit you.

Coming out of this relationship I want people to like me. I want to be asked out. I want to be told I'm cute. I want to have a fucking drink bought for me. But how does any of that start? 

You know when you're super used to a person?

The way the kiss, the way they smell, the way they feel wrapped around you, the way you joke with them. You know what will make them laugh. You know what they're thinking when a certain word gets brought up.

It's pretty fucking cool, huh? 

Well... When you break up with someone just say a big ol' JK to all of that. Shit gets so much weirder and different. And it isn't BAD - it's also actually kind of cool. 

There are all of these new people. These new things. These new feeEeeEEEEelings. 

You have no idea whats going to make someone laugh, or what deodorant they use, or how long it takes them to get ready in the morning. 

But how does that even work when you don't KNOW somebody? 

I'm finding that I am incredibly aware of my hands. What are they doing? Why are they resting on this bar? They never normally do that. 

Why is my hair so flippy today? I leave it down for one day and it betrays me.

Why did that punchline come out the way it did. I ruined the whole joke and now no one will ever think I'm funny again.

It was easy with my ex. I knew exactly what he would say, how he said it, when he was going to be upset or how to get him back to a good mood. 

That did get pretty monotonous, though...

I guess it's okay to not know why this fucking shirt wont stop bunching up... because at least it's different, and at least I know I'm going to be chill.


Okay, baaaaiiiii.