You know what's fucking awesome?
Hanging out with your friends. My ex wasn't really a fan of me doing stuff that didn't involve him. When we first started dating it was weird because we were actually long distance - I don't know if I've told y'all that yet, but yeah.
So, I would tell him that I was hanging out with my best friend and he would be chill, but the whole time he would text me non-stop. First red flag, but I didn't see it. I thought he just wanted to know what was up and how she was, etc.
As the months went by and this got worse I started to notice that I was losing touch with one of my best guy friends because of my ex. ANY time that I wanted to see him it became a problem. A whirlwind of "you guys kissed", "he's an asshole", "you don't see me hanging out with people that I've hooked up with" (uhmm... fucking lie. You hung out with the girl who you said sexually assaulted you without telling me, but, whatever. That didn't matter because) "you lied to me about him". Oh. OOOH. That one time I forgot to tell you something but I just didn't care about hearing you yell at me for another day and a half, and agreed to my "lying". For sure.
ANYWAY, (sorry... got a little taken away there.) I was losing touch with all of these amazing people in my life. Finding myself lying to them to make this guy seem better. Grasping at any one good thing to try to cover up the days of yelling and name-calling.
My friends all knew - they all wanted me to get out, but I couldn't. I would have no one to talk to about these terrible fights that I was getting into 4-5 times a week because I didn't want the people I loved most to think less of me. I just kept covering it up, and with every lie, or watered-down version of a screaming match I felt myself moving further and further away from them.
I couldn't deal with this. This is where a major part of my depression in this relationship came from. He was keeping me from my friends and manipulating me to think that he was the only person/man/friend that I would ever need.
Now that I am free, and happy, and myself again I am rebuilding these relationships and making new ones. It's so fucking awesome, dude.
Get out of your shit relationship and go make some friends. Alright?