Fucking Facebook

Exactly a year ago I posted a picture with him and it popped up today. Doesn't it have some facial recognition thing to know that he has me blocked and that it's hard and weird to see him?

I texted him yesterday - It was an anniversary of something and it just felt right to do it. I didn't hear back from him, but I like to think that he saw it and at least knew that I was there for him, you know? It's rough when you really want to talk to someone but you know that you can't (or shouldn't) because it might not REALLY help either of you. 

But yesterday just made me remember that day a year ago and what a mad dash it was to do everything. A year ago I felt more connected with him than I think I ever did from then on. Sometimes I think about those couple of months after and all of the shit that happened and it is starting to make more sense that maybe we were in each other's lives for very specific reasons and once those reasons were completed thats when things got really bad because we were trying so desperately to hold on because of how much we loved each other. 

For him - I was support. Someone to vent to, yell at, cry with. And while this set an unwelcome precedent for later it was what he needed then and I was happy that I could do that for him. I did everything I could, and I do think it helped.

For me - At the time I couldn't see the unhealthy relationship that had formed with someone who I considered family. A best friend of 14 years decided that she didn't want to be in my life and I would not let myself see it. And as much as it hurts then and still hurts he was the reason that that she finally broke away, and I could start to see the people that truly did love me, and want to stick around. 

I guess I just want y'all to know that even though you break up with someone, no matter how bad - it never hurts to let them know that you're then when you think that they might really need them. And if "he" is reading this - I hope you know that I still am and always will be every August 29th, and all the days in between. 

Okay, baaaaiiii.