La La LAnd

Still haven't seen that movie, but it sounded like a cute title.

I'm back home!! I'm in LA, but I can't say that I'm crushing it quite yet. I'm looking for Production Assistant work to no avail, as well as bartending stuff to do on the side. My mom is about to move and I don't really have a place to live either. So it has been rough but I feel weirdly calm about the whole thing.

Maybe it's because I'm home, or maybe it's because I know that it will work out (because it fucking has to) but there is an odd sense of "okayness". Moments of anxiety hit me like crazy, for sure, I'm human, so it happens, but I'm kind of just really excited.

My 23rd birthday was a few days ago and it is the first birthday that has actually made me FEEL something. I feel different - like life is really just about to start. I'm happy with who I am, I'm not relying on anyone but myself, and I'm really starting to see who people are. 

Turning the page to this egregiously forgettable number has shown me that getting older allows the people in your life who shouldn't be/don't want to be in it won't be fucking in it. That if they can't take a second of their day to say "happy birthday" after they have done it for 14 years maybe they just don't fucking care anymore. And that is totally chill. They'll live their life and I'll live mine.

It's kind of a cool, weird, uncertain, but warm feeling of "okayness" that I wanted to share with y'all. 

I hope that all of you sweet little babies are feeling this, too.


Okay, baaaiii!!