I'm here to let you know that you'll be okay, but also what to get from Trader Joes.
Hostess Loves Me
I make creme filled chocolate cupcakes that are SIMILAR TO BUT NOT THE SAME AS HOSTESS CUPCAKES.
They honestly taste fucking great.
And I put dirty words on them.
Show Me Your Cookies
Here's what they're looking like now, friends. Love y'all.
Perfect for all of the holiday hosts inviting you to parties.
If You Feel Like Being Subtle
Give this individual sized apple pie to someone.
Keep them guessing.
You don't want to come on too strong.
People hate that.
(It's an apple pie with Granny Smith, Honeycrisp, and Fuji apples for the best flavor profile)
I made these
I'm starting a cookie company!!
Where I combine my two favorite things. Talking shit and baking.
I really hope you guys like this. I'm super fucking stoked about it :)
Yo. Big moment.
I found a bar and it's sister za restaurant that is literally, no joke, 100% serious .4 MILES AWAY FROM MY FRONT DOOR!??!!?
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT I CAN WALK TO GO GET DRUNK AND EAT PIZZA THAT TASTES LIKE I'M IN BROOKLYN?!?!?!
Yes you fucking can, Irene. YES YOU CAN! NEVER STOP BELIEVING IN YOURSELF!!!
I love my new apartment. I'm close to shit. That's so rad. And also a very rare happening where I'm originally from (shout-out SFV!!)
Anyway - this pizza was fucking delicious and 20" across. I'm a very happy hippo.
Toki Underground Ramen
As I was writhing in bed from my aggressive Nats game hangover the thought occurred to me. Why am I not trying every ramen place in DC before I leave? Toki Underground had not been knocked off the list yet.
This had to change. So I made it happen.
After wandering around H Street looking for the restaurant for 15 minutes I decided on their "Toki Classic Ramen". Obviously I got extra noodles because I'm not a total pile of garbage.
The broth was unbelievably good. Super fatty and a really rich flavor of pork that bathed the soft-boiled egg as I crafted the perfect bite.
The noodles were fantastic and the nori pulled the whole thing together.
It was a really solid 8.5/10 and I will for sure recommend it to anyone in the NE area of DC.
PEACH WRAPPED IN BASIL
Look at this fucking drink. LOOK AT IT. There is a peach chillen in a tiny little basil hammock bathing in the majesty that is the Fancy Racket served at Hill Prince on H St.
I am lucky enough to be friends with the bar manager and part owner of this badass establishment and decided to take myself on a little date this past Saturday.
The bar itself is absolutely GORGEOUS. Theres a terrace and a cool lounge area, and a ton of exposed wood and brick.
It's a really chill environment that feels dive-y and home-y but is super cool and fancy at the same time.
I honestly had way more to drink than I should have. But I had the fancy cocktails in the beginning so I could make sure that I properly enjoyed them, and then switched to their amazing Pop and Pony's when I was getting a little more buzzed.
What's a Pop and Pony you ask? IT'S A TINY LITTLE BABY BOTTLE OF MILLER LIGHT AND A CUTE LITTLE SHOT OF WHATEVER YOU WANT!!
Literally fucking precious and I loved every second of it all.
Thanks Hill Prince!!!
This was my first time working with yeasted dough. Pretty fucking stoked.
This is a real thing. Frozen Rosé. It was 90° in DC yesterday with 65% humidity. I know. I don't want to talk about it. But this was so perfect for the day. It was sweet, cold, alcoholic. Really exactly what I needed. I had it at Hive Hotel in Foggy Bottom.
My best friend and I used to crush like two bottles of Rosé or White Zin every Friday night and it made me miss her so much.
I think i'm going to try to learn how to make it (it's for sure harder than just freezing rosé) so that when we reconnect we can do it over our one true love.
CaliBurger vs. In-N-Out
If anyone knows me - you know I'm a selfish little stubborn piglet about my burgers. I'll try a burger from ANYWHERE... but I will usually be comparing it to In-N-Out (the West Coast burger chain that's my hometown).
I will especially be comparing it when I hear of a new burger from a place called "CaliBurger" that's only like 20 minutes away from my DC home.
It's in the middle of Wunder Garten, a cute beer garden in NoMa. The first thing I noticed was it's already about TRIPLE the price of In-n-Out at a whopping fucking $8 a burger... already pissed (In-N-Out is $2.40 for a regular cheeseburger). But I gave her a shot, and to my surprise I wasn't extremely disappointed!
The bun was perfectly toasted.
They had gotten the tomato slice to the exact thickness it should be.
The lettuce wasn't overpowering, but was for sure present.
The grilled onions crushed it.
The only major difference between the burger that has my heart and the "CaliBurger" was the patty and the cheese. The patty was just a smidge too thick and slightly over done, and I think that they use a different kind of American cheese.
I'm also being a picky piece of shit though because I'll be loyal to In-N-Out until I die and I don't think anywhere will ever be AS good.
But if you're looking to get close to the West Coast classic but don't want to leave DC... I'd have to say that this is a good option.
Dude. Making lemonade is probably my favorite thing.
Hook me up with some simple syrup (one to one/water to sugar). Pour that in part for part with some straight up pulpy-ass lemon juice.
SIDE NOTE: If you don't like pulp in your assorted citrus beverages you can move right along because you're not wanted here.
Add some water and ice and BOOM, baby. You're done.
I think its the most refreshing summer drink by FAR, and it is absolutely my favorite drink of all time.
Fun fact: A shandy is any non-alcoholic drink mixed with beer. So throw this into a crisp Pale Ale of Hefe and you are going to want to throw a darty (day party) for sure.
King's Cup in Chi-Town
Using the old "I forgot to take good pictures of any food that I ate, so here's a Snapchat that I saved trick".
This weekend I went to Chicago and fell fucking in LOVE with it. The people are hot but nice, the food is fucking fantastic, the beer isn't as expensive as it is in LA or DC, and the weather (this one particular weekend) was beautiful.
I went to hangout with this guy who I literally met for an hour while he was visiting DC. I was like "Yoooo. When do you come back to DC" in my post-breakup texting randos frenzy. And he was like "I don't know, but you should come to Chicago".
Obviously I bought a ticket immediately because I'm so responsible.
I had friends there, too, so I for sure wasn't going to get murdered.
But it was SO fucking nice, guys. He was funny and smart and introduced me to all of his friends and we had a great time.
It was also chill because we both knew that we didn't want to like each other or anything so it was just breezy as fuuuuck.
I posted this photo because I think that King's Cup is honestly one of the best ways to get to know people. We went to my guy's hot friend's apartment and played for like two hours. Everyone was laughing and having a badass time and accepted me really openly. It made me feel like myself again. I think thats part of the reason I loved Chicago so much. It made me feel like me.
So, I guess this post is me saying that you should always drink with strangers and you'll never regret it.
S'mores and Pours
Devi'ls Backbone is so fucking awesome. They're doing this whole beer "Thru Hike" thing where they host a ton of cute events totally for free and handout badass merch. Of course their beers are delicious and really nice during these disgustingly humid summer days, too.
This event was "S'mores and Pours" where they bring a bunch of s'mores goodies, homemade marshmallows, graham crackers, peanut butter, chocolate, nutella, all of it and then give you a beer suggestion of what will taste best with what.
I really liked it because it wasn't expensive, or haute-y. Just super chill free s'mores, suggestions that you didn't have to take, and a fucking tee shirt, sunglasses, and a BUTTON MAKING STATION.
I 100% made literally 7 buttons/magnets/bottle openers.
The beer was delicious - I got there wheat beer because that's been my thing lately.
Just wanted to share a little love for a company that I really appreciate.
I was going to take a really cool artsy picture of all of the Jell-O shots in a pattern so they looked super pretty, but I 100% forgot to do that. So here's the remnants of a couple that we took on July 4th.
I made Raspberry with raspberry vodka and raspberries in them as well as Lime with tequila and real lime juice in them, too!
No brag, buuutttt they were a fucking hit, dude.
They're also the easiest things in the world to make.
Add some real fruit of whichever flavor your making and choose a complimentary alcohol and you're off to the races.
Baking has always been super fucking important to me. I don't really feel at home somewhere unless I can set up shop for a morning and bake my little heart out. I didn't get to do that much in DC, so it never really felt like HOME. More of just a really great time in my life that had some hard times intertwined.
Anyway - these are some M&M cookies that I made with a recipe from the blog Averie Cooks, she always crushes it and I use her recipes all the time.
In all honesty I made them to show this guy that I was going on a date with how awesome I was and it for sure did the job. The guy was so funny, but asked me to split the dinner that he invited me to. I was not a fan of that at all. What do you guys think?
Also, now, reading this over maybe they weren't that great if they couldn't even get this dude to buy me a burger. But what matters is is that I had a great time making them.